Love: A Key Component of Forgiveness

Lesson 3—Deuteronomy 19:15; Leviticus 19:17

Before going any further into this study we must become proactive. These lessons are not meant to be another study where scriptures are reviewed and memorized but the heart remains untouched. In this series God is going to move upon us like never before. Today is the sum total of all our yesterdays. Today is tomorrow’s yesterday. The more we focus on developing our relationship with God today, the more we sure up our successful future destiny. However unforgiveness, aught, and bitterness hinder us from fully communing with God.

I am urging you to either purchase a small notebook or create a electronic document file to record the assignments from this lesson. I cannot emphasize enough the seriousness of this task. STOP NOW and do this—go back and do the assignments from lessons 1 & 2—then come back and complete this lesson.

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Welcome back! Our subject is simply “Love”. Our subtopic is “A Key Component of Forgiveness”. Let us now pick up the verses we touched on last time.

Deuteronomy 19:15
15. One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.

In other words, don’t accuse anyone of something without having at least two witnesses. This is a demonstration of love. How would you like it if some random person placed numerous accusations upon you with no evidence? How would you feel if some untrue nasty piece of gossip went around your circle of friends, family, and coworkers? It wouldn’t feel good to be sure. But what can ultimately stop us from participating in such underhanded activities? Only love can.

Our second verse declares to us…

Leviticus 19:17
17. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

Hate costs too much. Hate overdraws relationships. Hate destroys the very fabric of society. Hate is a pest in the household of God. Hate is the thief of the nations. If love is a key component of forgiveness, then hate is a key component of unforgiveness. The Contemporary English Version says it this way, “Don’t hold grudges. On the other hand, it’s wrong not to correct someone who needs correcting.” Yes we are required to correct wrong doings. No we are not given permission to chop down people’s hopes, dreams, and desires. In order to rid ourselves of unforgiveness we must make a move in the right direction, a move toward the ultimate goal of love. And if we search diligently for love—we will find the very heart of God.

Practical Applications
1. Now that you have identified the top ten people that you have ill feelings toward—I want you to do something radical—do something nice for each of them! It can be as simple as giving (or sending) them a nice greeting card. A “thinking of you” card will due. If you really want to experience forgiveness, buy a pack of blank cards and write a heartfelt message.
2. If one or more of the people on your list is a security concern don’t risk yourself! Examples: a ex-boyfriend you have a PPO filed against, an obsessive ex-wife, or a someone who continues to do violence to you.
3. Write a letter to each of the ten dead individuals whom you have identified as your top ten. Either seal them separately or all in one package. Keep them in a safe place—we’ll be using them in a later exercise.

Forgiveness Can’t Hinge on Apologies

Lesson 2—Matthew 18:15-20; Leviticus 19:17; Deuteronomy 19:15

As we proceed through this bible study it’s important that we actually do the practical applications or assignments. I know some of you probably got real spiritual on me after the first lesson and said within yourselves, “Oh I don’t have a problem with anybody.” Don’t let a prideful heart and a puffed up spirit fool you. If you think of a person and you feel the slightest twinge of negativity—you have an issue with that person—even if it’s very tiny. But remember the small things make all the difference. Just because you don’t “hate” people doesn’t mean you don’t have unforgiveness in your heart.

The servant in our first lesson was exceedingly glad when the king forgave him. He went out of his presence rejoicing. Unfortunately, he didn’t take an honest assessment of his own unforgiving heart. That failure led him to put his fellow servant in prison and ultimately landed himself their instead.

I haven’t had a horrible or tragic life by any stretch of the imagination. However I’ve been faced with severe challenges and have experience the bitter touch of betrayal. When you truly believe a person or persons can do you no wrong, and they do, it is a life-changing blow. Making my lists wasn’t easy. But I used this rule—if I can’t think of a person without a negative memory or feeling coming to mind then they made the list.

As I stated earlier we’re going backwards through our foundational chapter Matthew 18, as well as employing other scriptures in our study. Three questions, for me at least, arise when considering forgiving people that have wronged me in some way. Let us see how Jesus answers them in Matthew 18:15-20.

1. How do I approach a person that I feel offended me?

15. Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

First off, go to that person one-on-one. Don’t go around talking bad about them to all your friends on facebook and twitter. Don’t get on the phone gossiping. Talk to them directly—no matter how hard it may be. Tell them how you feel they hurt you. As calmly as you can, explain your position to them.

Jesus said, “if he shall hear thee” you’ve gained them. Notice he didn’t say, “if they fall on their knees and beg for your forgiveness” you’ve gained them. Forgiveness can’t hinge on apologies.

2. What if they won’t listen to me?

16. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

If the person won’t listen to you, then you must find one or two people to go with you, and approach them again. Now Jesus is dealing with fellow churchgoers but the principle applies to any situation. Your one or two can be a teacher, school counselor, or another friend. Please don’t let the one or two be instigators. Find one or two others who understand the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation.

3. What if they don’t listen to anyone?

17. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

If the person still won’t listen to you with the one or two, then take them before a group. It can be a support group, the church, your whole group of friends, the entire class (with the teacher’s permission), and so forth. But if they still won’t talk to you about your concerns then treat them “as an heathen man and a publican”. What Jesus means is—if the relationship can’t be reconciled at that time, still be nice to them. Be nice to them not because they “deserve it” (because you may not think they do)—be nice to them because it’ll help you heal and move on.

18. Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
19. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
20. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

If you can’t reconcile with that person, go to someone trustworthy—a pastor, spiritual advisor, counselor, teacher, a trusted friend, etc.—and talk through your hurt feelings. Again don’t go to people that are going to tell you how to get back at the person. Go to someone that will help you move forward.

Let me say again, the end goal isn’t an apology but a dialogue.

Does, “I’m sorry”, really have the power we give it? For instance, if your father was never in your life and you meet him when you’re 30 years old, what will I’m sorry do. Nothing! However opening a healing line of communication can do wonders. If you require an I’m sorry to forgive someone then you really aren’t forgiving them. Forgiving a person has nothing to do with the person. Forgiveness has to do with your heart and mind.

The connection between forgiveness, reconciliation, and love.

Two verses connected to Matthew 18:17 are Leviticus 19:17 and Deuteronomy 19:15. They will help us begin connecting forgiveness, reconciliation, and love. We’ll briefly touch on them in this lesson and use them as our foundation for the next lesson.

Leviticus 19:17
17. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

The Contemporary English Version says it this way, “Don’t hold grudges. On the other hand, it’s wrong not to correct someone who needs correcting.”

Deuteronomy 19:15
15. One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.

Don’t accuse anyone of something without having at least two witnesses.

Review these first two lesson thoroughly. Meditate over the two closing verses of this lesson. Do the practical applications. Together we can grow and progress as never before. Amen.

Practical Applications

1. Take out your list of living people who you have ill-feelings toward and pick out the top ten cases.
2. Take out your list of dead people who you have unresolved ill-feelings toward and pick out the top ten cases.
3. If you haven’t already, purchase a small notebook to take notes throughout this study. (In the next lesson I’ll give you some suggestions on how to organize it.)

The Dangers of Unforgiveness

Lesson 1—Matthew 18:21-35

Unforgiveness is poisonous, dangerous, deadly, fatal, destructive, toxic, detrimental, evil, hurtful, infective, lethal, malicious, and toxic. In short—it will destroy you! When a person is unforgiving they are “not disposed to forgive or show mercy; unrelenting”. When we live with unforgiveness in our hearts it slowly erodes our capacity to love God and ourselves. An unforgiving person doesn’t allow “for mistakes, carelessness, or weakness”. Matthew 18, in its entirety, applies nicely to our overall study but we’ll start with the last stanza first.

There are two main dangers of unforgivenes.

1. Unforgiveness hinders future success.

Unforgiven offenses stay with us and weigh us down. You can’t embrace the future while clinging to the past. When we live in forgiveness we can look back on past hurts, extract positive lessons from them, and move on. Laurel Lee said it this way, “A personal offense is like a scratch on a phonograph record. I couldn’t move my thoughts beyond my pain. It kept repeating, as if I were stuck within its grooves. There was only one way to play beyond it. I had to forgive them, so my heart could take its form again.”

Some pains are so raw and real that we don’t want to release them. They sink so deep into our soul, our psyche, our being they become a part of the fabric of our life. I can say this is true for myself. Some negative experiences were so profound that they changed my perception of reality. And so it is with you. Have you ever told yourself or others, “This is just the way I am.” If you have, have you considered that your past experiences one-by-one have altered your personality, viewpoint, and mindset.

21. Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22. Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

We must learn to forgive repeatedly. We can’t allow life to tear us down. We can’t permit negative people to take up residence in our hearts. We can’t let random events become permanent stumbling blocks. Samuel Johnson said, “A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.” When you don’t forgive—the pain consumes you. When you don’t forgive—you end up wasting precious time.

2. Unforgiveness is hypocritical because we all want and need of forgiveness.

After instructing us on the importance of perpetual forgiveness, Jesus goes on to tell us one his powerful parables.

23. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

A king wanted to settle the debts owed to him by his servants.

24. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

The servant in question owed ten thousand talents or 10 million dollars (from the Amplified Version).

25. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
26. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
27. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Not surprisingly, the servant didn’t have it to give. So the king demanded payment by way of having the servant, his family, and his possessions sold off. Similarly, in some forms of bankruptcy, many of a person’s assets can be sold off. But servant begged and pleaded for forgiveness of his debt. The king, in turn, forgave him.

28. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

Ashamedly, the servant hypocritically failed to pass on forgiveness. One of his coworkers owed him an hundred pence or twenty dollars (again from the Amplified Version). And when his coworker couldn’t pay up, he had him thrown in debtor’s prison.

31. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
32. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
33. Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
34. And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
35. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

The other coworkers were sorrowful and reported the events to the king. In turn the king released the servant, and put the servant who owed him in debtor’s prison instead. How sad that he was forgiven for a ten million dollar debt but wouldn’t forgive a twenty dollar debt. Sadder still, twenty dollars is 1% of 1% of 2% of ten million dollars.

Forgiving people is hard to do but don’t we all have things we need forgiveness for?

Practical Application

1. Write a list of every living person that was or is in your life that you have any ill-feelings toward.
2. Write a list of every person, that has past on, that you have any unresolved ill-feelings toward.
3. For the next lesson share the reasons behind why you chose one of the people on your list.